Dear Mama

10173712_10201748398212191_7273529531107913276_nIt’s mothers’ day. It’s your day.

I’m broke right now, so I may not be able to give you something for this special day, except for this blog post. Plus, if I give you those sweet tasting cakes and other tasteful goodies, I’m sure your sugar level would rise up. 

Thank you for bringing me into this world. I know that if you haven’t chosen to have me in your womb for nine months, I wouldn’t have seen the world and I wouldn’t have the life I have now.

Thank you for taking care of me when I used to get sick. Thank you for worrying when something bad happens to me.

DSCF8542Thank you for being my mama. Thank you for all the things that you do for us.

I’m sorry too if I was never the perfect daughter. I never will be.

But before I put an end to this writing, there’s something I want you to know.

You love “a few people” (you know what I mean) and you’ve always been willing to make sacrifices for them. I’m sorry if this has always been an argument. I don’t hate them but I just don’t like them. With due respect, they’re not all bad. If you remember, there was never a time when I argued with them or showed disrespect or complained right in their faces.

But you see, Ma, as I grew up, I remembered a lot of bad experiences.

I remembered that…

  • when we have insufficient water supply, you would wake up at 12 am just to make sure that we have enough drinking water the next day … they were snoring in their beds
  • some don’t help out in the household chores
  • even when they have money, they opt not to pay for cigarettes and have me list them as part of your debt in a store
  • one night, we were alone at home, he and his friends were playing cards in the terrace; then he came inside the house to get a knife because his so-called friends were having an argument; I was scared to death. I cried. I was a little girl scared of what’s going to happen. You locked the doors and begged him to put down the knife. No one got hurt. But up to this day, I still remember.
  • I woke up earlier. I swept and scrubbed the floors. Then she came out from her room, looking so pretty; while I was sweating doing some household chores.
  • when I was walking around in the neighborhood with them, someone said hi to them. At home, they told me, that guy said hi to them, excluding me.

There are so many experiences but I wouldn’t want to enumerate them here. No matter how long the list will be, I can never make you understand my feelings.

You see, Ma, we would have many opportunities but it was not fully ours, because you would have to share them. Sharing is good. Yet, it’s good to share with people who are grateful. We don’t need something in return. We don’t need them to re-pay us. But it would have been great if we see them make little sacrifices for you as much as you and the family has done. A simple text to ask how you are doesn’t hurt. A text is just worth a penny.

Ma, I grew up with a poor self-confidence. I was always overweight. I was always teased and ridiculed. Then they came, adding more to the burden. There were boys I liked as a teen, but later on, they would tell me and make me jealous of how beautiful they looked and left me out, feeling ugly. They would backbite me, I know.

Ma, this may not be worth anything to you. I know how much you love them, Ma. I can’t take that away from you. So, I ask for forgiveness, if we have different opinions. I’m sorry, too, if we can’t make you as happy as you are, when you are around them.

050920152631So, all I ask … is that someday you will see the goodness of our family, even if we can’t love them like you’ve always had. We have always been here for you, in sickness and in health.

I hope and pray that someday, you will understand. I know that Papa hopes the same way too.

We love you Ma.  Happy moms’ day!

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